JACKED UP
Their faces say it all. There is trouble in those walls.
Since we last visited the Butterfly House, an enormous amount of work has been done to reinforce the home's structure. Our last invoice included a list of ways to support the floors and walls of our house, including “started jacking beam,” “jacked beam,” “set beams,” “continued jacking,” “framed openings,” “replaced valley rafters,” and “valley rafter replacement,” etc., etc... Not only that, but Jack was also one of the expert carpentry workers that are part of the team. Jack, Nick, and Ken are pictured above pondering a solution to add support between the first and second floors.
Beams and framing were added to support the entryway.
Structure
There is no house without a solid foundation, walls that support floors, and a roof to cover it all. As work continued, it became obvious that the center of our home had been sinking. Like most of the evaluations on the home, it was not a total surprise. You could see the stairs were not even. Once the walls came down and the joists were visible, Ken and Nick had a mechanical engineer go through the whole house (as previously mentioned in the last blog) to make sure that the house could support the changes we are making.
In the early 1900’s they didn’t exactly use engineering math. W. L. Price was an architect and not a contractor or engineer. He built amazing homes with unique charm. The structure of our home is unique because of the butterfly wing extensions from the center of the home. Like many things in life, years go on, and we learn better ways to do things. Most of the time. For safety, good carpentry and contract work, and an even stairway that doesn’t look like a funhouse, we are putting support beams in the basement up to and including the third floor. When some of the walls came down, we discovered that the third-floor bathroom (blue carpet and yellow tile) was only supported by the plaster walls and maybe some two-by-fours. We are putting in the support now for this home to last another 100 years.
The stairway to the third floor tilts to the right.
As we are gutting the insides of this home and renovating, it made me think of this experience as a metaphor for blended families like our own. How so, you ask? Ok, maybe you’re not asking. But I’m going to digress a bit because the whole catalyst for the purchase of this home was keeping the family that we built along the way at the forefront of our life together. Even though we are empty nesters we want our birds to fly home now and again.
Broken but Beautiful
The house we bought is beautiful and has lots of character, but as we have discovered, when you look closely, start to take it apart, and evaluate it, you see the cracks in the walls. It is damaged but not broken and still charming. We have just spent a lot of time with our family for my brother’s visit last month and our youngest daughter’s wedding. Families are complicated even in the best of circumstances, and weddings, especially the planning, can be very stressful. Something is bound to go wrong, but can you roll with it, fix what needs to be fixed, leave the rest alone, and have a great time? We discovered we can.
Fixing what needs to be fixed. Raising and supporting the ceiling on the third floor.
No one enters a marriage expecting divorce just like William L. Price didn’t build the home thinking the middle of the house would start sinking. When Dan and I were married previously, what seems like a lifetime ago, we expected to live happily ever after. We thought what we had would endure but over time there were cracks in the foundation that could not be repaired. Fortunately, the house just needs a few strong beams in the right place. Our foundation is solid.
Collateral Damage
When the demo started and the walls were coming down, inadvertently, there was damage to a few windows, floors, and who knows what else. That’s renovation and demo-it isn’t pretty. Unfortunately, when you go through a divorce, the children that you love experience collateral damage. That’s divorce, and it isn’t pretty.
A few broken window panes were incurred during demolition. The panes are made of leaded glass and are difficult to replace. However, we have some spare windows and can use them to repair.
There are no architect plans, contractors, or designers to rebuild your life. There are no instructions or classes to take, but there are books and therapists if you are open to it. It takes time, patience, reflection, and hard work. You must survive the grief, manage financial obstacles, continue working, parent in the best way you can to support your children, and build your new foundation. The Butterfly House had many “marriages” and different families that moved in and out of there. After years of improper maintenance, there was bound to be some damage.
Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder
It never ceases to amaze me how two people can look at the same object, read the same words on a page, listen to the same music, and yet see or hear something completely different. Our political and social climate is showing us this. Gender, experiences, age, and general feelings a person has that particular day are just some of the many variables that affect how something is perceived. It is this way with our home as well. Some don’t want us to change a thing and are horrified by the changes we are making. Some see the vision that we see and have offered many constructive ideas. Some just don’t get it and can’t wait until I start showing before and after pictures so they know what I am talking about. Others are just enjoying the ride through a renovation with us and are open to whatever comes.
Previous owners used this space as a kitchen and we envision a laundry and powder room.
A blended family can be seen in different ways as well. Some may see us as imperfect or blemished because of what we all went through. It can feel like you aren’t seen as a real ”family.” Some may see our pictures online and see a perfect, beautiful, growing family. But we all know a picture doesn’t show all truths and can be deceiving. Some who know us well may see our family as a work in progress because they know all families are a work in progress. This view is probably most true to what and who we are. Either way, one’s perception is one’s reality, so it is very important that we work diligently to make sure our grown children don’t just see a blended family but that they feel like a family. Whole, supported, and loved.
The Butterfly House will be loved and taken care of in an inanimate way. It is just a house to some, but it will feel like a home, our home. That is the beauty of the renovation and restoration.
Support and Reframing
When Dan and I met and started dating it was very easy. I don’t even know how to explain that except that we were happy together even though we had a lot of chaos. At that time, we were juggling two families as single parents, working consuming corporate jobs with lots of travel. Our kids were in multiple sports and activities, and yet we managed to talk every day and see each other several times a week, most weeks. We have an Excel spreadsheet that Dan kept that proves it. Maybe it’s because we are both firstborn type A’s? Maybe it’s just being caught up in love. We also had an extremely supportive family and friend group that helped. Our kids were flexible, adaptable, and having fun getting to know each other.
When we married, though, it got difficult. The reality of buried emotional pain started to emerge from all of us. This blog is too short, and the experiences are too personal to put in a blog that is supposed to be about home renovation, but that’s exactly the point. Dan and I have been through several difficult personal renovations. So, when people ask us, “What in the world were you thinking taking on this house?” We can confidently say that we’ve got this! No matter how hard life or renovation gets, Dan and I work well together. Also, we have so much support from the renovation team, and we have support from our family. That’s all we need.
Reinforcing and reframing the joists in the 2nd-floor guest bathroom. You are looking down into our future pantry.
Success is all about reframing your views, seeing the beauty in the process, being open to possibilities, and learning how to tackle your issues head-on.
Being Comfortable in the Uncomfortable
Historical renovation and restoration require research, education, special tools, patience, communication, understanding, working with lots of people, looking at another person’s point of view, and allowing yourself to be uncomfortable. Building a family requires many of these same things. Dan and I had to work on ourselves first. We had to look in the mirror closely to see our faults. Like most human beings, there are many. Pretty on the outside for the most part, but there is always some ugly that needs fixing on the inside.
Some of the ugly scary bits in the basement.
Being self-aware is bloody painful, admitting your flaws and being vulnerable is not fun. However, how would you know what needs to be fixed if you don’t look with open heart? We needed experts, books, lots of conversations, and fighting against our human nature to think our personal views were best. You must be other-centered and understand from someone else’s perspective, not just your own. Spoiler alert: we do not always get it right. We make many mistakes. Damage can still be done if we aren’t careful.
We must bring our best selves to this family and our relationship. That is why we are bringing together the best craftsmen, designers, and architects to restore this house. We commit to doing better when we learn what is better and we let ourselves be comfortable in the uncomfortable. Like renovation, I don’t think you can get through life with a fixed mindset and without things getting a little messy.
Restoration, Repair, and Healing
While we go through these next few weeks and months restoring and repairing the basics like the roof and walls, electricity, plumbing, HVAC, and beam support, We are at peace and hopeful. We are comfortable in the uncomfortable or at least learning to be. Not because it’s all going well but because the ups and downs are all part of change and making something beautiful even more beautiful. Somedays, it’s fun, and some days, it’s stressful and scary. All of life’s challenges can be that way.
Opening a narrow doorway to broaden our view and make space for possibilities.
Dan and I celebrated our 11th wedding anniversary this month. We like to call that day our family-versary or famiversay because we didn’t just marry each other. We married as a group of seven different people with seven different eyes and seven different ears, four different stages of development (adult, teen, pre-teen, and youth), two different genders, and numerous different experiences. We are all growing, learning, talking, healing, and doing a lot of work to be our best selves together. We support each other through tough times as well as amazing celebrations, and everything in between! Now we have the pleasure and privilege of watching our family grow their families.
Our oldest daughter, McKenna, with her husband, Alex, and Brayden at the wedding earlier this month.
Next month, our grandson turns one, and all he knows is love (and some good ear protection). This beautiful boy doesn’t know how we were before he came into this world. He doesn’t know what challenges were overcome or what pieces of ourselves we had to repair, and it doesn’t matter. We are a family that will always be a work in progress, and we are never finished—just like our house, which is becoming our future home.